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by McQueenfan2016



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:39:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8286160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McQueenfan2016/pseuds/McQueenfan2016
Summary: This story follows John Paul two years after his attack by Finn. John Paul runs off into the night, leaving Baby Matthew in care of his family. Two years later he shows back up. Most everything is canon except with the McQueen's. In this story Myra went back for Matthew aka Niall. So, Tina's alive and Matthew was raised with his brother and sisters.





	1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

**I'm American so I might not get all the right terms, but I do try. Hope you enjoy.**

 

**December 25, 1980**

Myra placed the bundled up baby on the church's doorstep. Tears were running down her face, she didn't want to leave her baby here. She wanted to take him home, love him and raise him. But her mother had flatly refused. She couldn't take care of him on her own, she was only fourteen.

The baby squirmed when she kissed his cheek.

"I love you, Matthew." She placed the letter telling the priest who he was. Telling Matthew, she would come back for him one day. Hoping against hope, she would be able to follow through on that promise.

**October 20, 1981**

Myra was finally able to hold her little boy again. After almost a year, she had him back in her arms. She had just recently given birth to another child, a girl she named Jacqueline. Finally, after begging her mother, she was able to get Matthew back. At fifteen she was already a mother of two, but she loved both of them dearly.

**December 25, 2006**

"Matthew, stop teasing your sister," Myra said, though it was hard not to laugh herself.

Matthew had Michaela over his shoulder, spinning her around. She loved this time of year, especially this year with all her babies under the same roof again. Now that Matthew was back from Australia, and Jacqui from custodial. Matthew had met a woman a few years before, and ran off with her. Just as Myra feared, he had gotten his heart broken. Now he was back, asking if he could move back in. She of course said yes. John Paul wasn't happy because now he would have to share his room again. But John Paul was a moody seventeen-year-old at the best of times so it really didn't bother any of them.

"She's being a horror, Mum," Matthew whined.

"I was just askin' you if you were dating anyone," Michaela said, beating on Matthew's back.

"Put her down. And you," she said looking at her youngest. "Leave your brother alone."

"Thanks, Mum," Matthew said brightly, right before tossing Michaela on the couch and running upstairs. As soon as Michaela recovered, she went chasing after him. Life really was great, Jacqui and Matthew both home for Christmas.

**February 8, 2014**

John Paul pulled himself up from the classroom floor. His pants were still wrapped around his knees. Pulling them up, he quickly fastened them, straightening his shirt. Pain radiated through his body. His head throbbed from the hit, but he didn't think that was why his mind was so muddled.

Numbly, he made his way out of the school. He knew Ste would be wondering where he was. But he couldn't face the thought of seeing the man. He didn't want to see anyone. Ste yelled at him through the phone, he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was like he was dead on the inside. Pain and shame the only feelings left; it was just like his body was waiting for them to get with the program and die too.

By the time he got to the police station, he had almost talked himself out of it. How was he supposed to tell them what happened? Tell them that a teenage boy overpowered him? He did go in, though. Detective Inspector Sam Lomax, was the one to take his statement. When she mentioned going to the sexual assault referral center he almost bolted. The thought of telling more people made his stomach turn. He didn't want anyone looking at him with pity or worse…disgust, he had enough for a lifetime. Would they say that he deserved it? Would Sam, if she knew he had slept with her husband? No one would side with him if they really knew him.

Although, he initially agreed, he changed his mind halfway through the examination. They had just finished the first part of the rape exam. He didn't want to be there anymore. He wanted to disappear, so no one would see him again.

Sam tried to stop him but she finally did listen and took him home. As he showered, he scrubbed his skin raw while burning hot water pelted his skin. It wasn't enough, it would never be enough.

Suddenly, his windpipe constricted, he couldn't breathe. He knew for sure he would die, there was no way he could survive this. The world then went dark all around him.

Cold. That was the first thing that he noticed. Cold water hitting his naked flesh. His body lying in the tub when he woke up. His entire head was hurting; from the blood on his hands, he guessed he had hit his head when he fell. Red mixed with the water, circling bath's drain.

Standing up, he cleaned himself up in the ice cold water. After he wrapped himself up in his robe, he bandaged the cut on his head. By the time he got into his bedroom, Baby Matthew was awake. He had a teething ring in his mouth, when he saw John Paul he tried to get to him.

But his father didn't pick him up. John Paul couldn't do it. He felt that he would taint Baby Matthew if he touched him. Nothing felt right. He couldn't take care of his son now, he was worthless. Quickly, shedding the robe, he dressed in a fresh set of clothes.

Sitting at his desk, he wrote a quick letter. It was to his family, Baby Matthew's namesake, his older brother in specific to take care of Matthew. It said that he couldn't take care of him at the moment, and that he didn't know when he'd be back. At the very bottom, he told them why. The attack and rape were condensed into a few sentences. He couldn't bear to tell them who had done it. That shame was just for him. The only reason he put it down in the first place was because he needed them to know the reason he was leaving Baby Matthew in their care.

Once the letter was done he packed a few sets of clothes in a rucksack. Walking over to the crib, he almost kissed his son on his little head, but he couldn't do it. He just didn't feel like that person anymore. He couldn't taint his son for a moment more. Once he was out of the house and down the street he called Teresa's cell phone.

"John Paul?"

"Umm…yeah. Could you watch Baby Matthew for a little longer, I don't know when I'll be home." _Not a total lie._

"I thought I heard you in the shower? Must have been one of Mercy's blokes. Sure, I'll take care of Baby Matthew. You just take care of yourself. Are you alright? You don't sound like yourself."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Teresa."

He didn't know how long he would have before the letter was discovered; so he needed to get out of Chester, and fast. He didn't really have a plan but to get away. He would be back, but only after he could feel right in his skin again. It was all too new, too painful. Baby Matthew didn't deserve a broken father; his family would treat him well.

The taxi took him as far as the train station. Luckily, the last train of the day was due to leave any moment. Paying a small fortune, he got a one-way ticket. Soon he would arrive at his destination, one that he didn't even pay attention to as he paid for the ticket. He just needed to get away from everything, but mostly Finn O'Connor.

He made the choice to keep his phone on him. If something happened to Baby Matthew, he wanted to know. The first call came in thirty minutes after he left. It went to voicemail. After that, it started to ring so much he shut it off. He knew this would happen, they were trying to stop him. But he couldn't go back, couldn't look them in eye after what he'd told them in the letter.


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Hollyoaks, sadly.**

**I hope this chapter isn't confusing. And I hope you enjoy it.  
**

It had been over two years since he stepped foot in Chester. He missed his little boy like crazy. Two months after he left, the calls from home dwindled down from several a day to one on Sunday. It was then he decided to answer. It had been Carmel, he wasn't surprised. She was the one to worry about him the most. That started the weekly phone calls on Sunday.

Most of his family seemed to understand why he needed to stay away. At first, they thought it was just because he was scared of his attacker, even though he had never given a name. But then Finn tried to rape Nancy, who had taken over as his new teacher. She was able to escape, later she identified Finn and he was found guilty in her attack. He wanted so badly to go back and get justice for himself, but at the time he wasn't ready.

When his family told him that his mother had come back, he had to fight the urge not to go running to her. He still hadn't been ready to go home yet.

The first time Carmel had put Baby Matthew on the phone, John Paul cried. All Baby Matthew did was babble, but it sounded beautiful to him. That's how it continued. He talked to Carmel, his mother, Mercedes, Jacqui, Tina and even Phoebe. But his brother refused every time he asked to talk to him. They had all said it was because it was so hard on him, but he was taking care of Baby Matthew like his own. He'd even started calling the baby, Matty.

Matthew was the oldest, their mother's pride and joy. Jacqui was next, bossy to the core. Mercedes was the wild child. Tina, she'd rather have her nose in a book than anything else. It was why he got along with her so well. Carmel was the caretaker of the bunch. He wasn't really sure what he was anymore, he used to be the moody one. But that was only because he was in the closet. After that, he was just referred to as the gay one. It was a part of him but didn't define who he was, that always bothered him. Then there was the baby, Michaela. She was the one you had to check your wallet afterwards. She was dead smart but liked to play dumb.

He didn't know what he was going to do now that he was home. As he passed The Hutch he noticed it wasn't The Hutch anymore, it was now Nightingale's. He wondered what had happened to Tony and Diane. Maybe since the arrest of Finn the business went south.

A tall, thin man was standing out front, chatting with a curly haired blonde woman. The man was in a sharp suit, but looked very frustrated with the woman. As he went to walk by, he heard a bit of their conversation.

"I don't know why you are giving Joe Roscoe the time of day. He's an imbecile."

"You just don't know him the way I do," the blonde said.

"Thank God for small mercies. You do know that if Mercedes finds out you planted the drugs on her, it's over right?"

That stopped John Paul in his tracks. Turning around he leveled a glare at both of them. The man seemed to notice first.

"Do you have a problem? If so, the church gives to the needy," he said, eyeing John Paul's worn but clean clothes.

When he left all he had was a rucksack full of clothes, his wallet and his mobile. He cleaned out his bank, sending most of the money home so they could take care of Baby Matthew. He kept his mobile for a year, but then it got smashed in Dubai. After that he used public telephones. Since he only talked to his family on Sundays, it worked. If he missed a day here or there they got worried though. A year ago when they lost Carmel, he tried to come home then. Phoebe not long after. But unfortunately, during that time he couldn't exactly show his face in public. He couldn't risk bringing that trouble home. There were still some places he knew he needed to stay away from. But that wasn't something he was willing to talk about to anyone.

"No, just looking at a dead woman. Because if she messed with Merci, she'll need a miracle."

"And how would you know?" the woman asked with attitude.

"Because, my big sister never lets a grudge go." He smirked when the woman blanched. The man on the other hand just narrowed his eyes.

"Ah, so you're the little lost one. John Paul McQueen. Just got up one day and decided you had better things to do than be a father. Congratulations on the moral high ground."

John Paul tried not to let the words get to him. He knew the truth, as did his family. His son might not know who he was but he didn't have to see the broken man that he'd been.

He turned, and ignored the couple. He didn't need to explain himself to anyone but his family. Thankfully, most of them understood. The only one that he hadn't talked to since the day he left was his older brother. Mat was not one to trifle with; he learned that years ago. Mat was also very protective of all his siblings.

Finally, he was standing in front of the family home. They didn't know he was coming home, he didn't tell them out of fear he would chicken out. But here he was, finally after over two years, almost three. His son was no longer a baby. He could talk; every time he talked to him on the phone he would ask him when he was coming home. It seemed that his family did their best to keep him involved with his son. Though after almost three years, was that fair to them or Baby Matthew.

The door opened before he even got within reach. Mercedes stepped out with Baby Matthew on her hip, but he wasn't a baby anymore. His heart ached at what he missed in the boy's life. But there was no way to go back, and he didn't think he would change it. When he left it he couldn't handle even the thought of being touched again, even by his own family.

"Oi! What are you doing here?"

"I came back to see my family," he said with trepidation. By the look on her face she was gearing up for a fight.

"Now you come home? Not when we needed you, not when our Carmel died? Phoebe?"

Guilt, that was her weapon of choice today. He had felt guilty about not coming back then, but at the time it was impossible.

Instead of looking at her, he looked at his son. The boy was so big now.

"Matthew, you're such a big boy now," he said to the child.

"Yep."

"Let's get this over with," Mercedes said, losing her fire. "Matthew, this is your father."

The boy's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yes," John Paul said, giving him a small smile. He wasn't sure how Matthew would take the news.

"You came home? You not sad anymore?"

In the beginning when he would talk to Matthew on the phone, he found out his family told him it was because he was sad. Because it was a simple answer, he went with it.

"No, I'm not sad anymore."

Surprising Mercedes and himself, Matthew lunged out of her arms into John Paul's.

"You better get your own place; Mat won't like you moving back."

Their older brother, Matthew's namesake. It seemed that he wasn't mistaken that his brother was angry with him.

"Okay, but I'm taking Matthew with me." He was better now, and he had a feeling the sooner he got his own place, the less likely his family would try and keep Matthew from him. When he left he had almost no money, sending it back home. Now though, he had more money than he knew what to do with. Not that he was going to tell his family that, they'd just want to know where he'd gotten the money. That was a story he wasn't ever going to tell, even his family.

"Fine by me," she said, smirking. "You better get it sorted before Mat comes back from his trip."

"Where'd he go?"

"Taking his new bride on their honeymoon."

"He got married?" It was the first time he heard about that. Though they didn't ever speak about Mat in the phone conversations.

"Oh yes, your new sister-in-law is Grace Black. He also expects to move Matthew in with him."

Mat was more of a father to Matthew than John Paul. But he couldn't let his son go now that he had him back. He knew it was selfish, but when he left all he could think of was how broken and empty he felt. After that it took longer than usual to find his way back. He was home now, with whole mind and body. It was time to start living his life again, not just existing.

"Grace Black? Didn't Trevor just die?"

"Yeah, I don't understand it either." She shook her head in disgust. "I really don't want to for that matter. Be warned before you go in, Mum is in there with Diego, her toy boy."

"I thought you said you liked him on the phone?"

"He's okay."

She stepped past him and walked down the walkway. He looked down at his son, who was staring at John Paul. He was no more than a stranger with a familiar voice to Matthew. None of the pictures around the house even looked like him anymore, not at least until he had a shower and shave.

"How about we go inside, then later we'll go look for a place to live."

"I live here," Matthew giggled.

"Now it's you and me, but we won't live far away."

Matthew seemed to think that over. "Okay."

Now all John Paul had to do was walk inside and face the music. His mother was going to kill him, that he was sure of.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

His mother hadn't been too upset, it seemed she was too happy he was home. When he broke the news about finding his own place, she had surprisingly agreed. As much as she loved her family there was just no more room. Already living in the house was her, Diego, Mercedes, Celine, Cleo, Tina and her son Max. Not to mention Nana and Mat still. Mat may be leaving but he still had a room, one he shared with Baby Matthew.

So John Paul visited with an estate agent to find a decent place for himself and Matthew. He didn't want a house, just a decent sized flat would do. While money wasn't a problem anymore, he didn't want to draw attention to that. That would get him the wrong kind of attention, followed by too many questions. Better to pretend he didn't have much to his name.

Shockingly, Matthew had taken to him. He was surprised, as was his mum. But there was no way he was going to feel bad about it. He wanted his son to like him, and it seemed he did.

After the agent had shown him several flats, he finally found something that suited their needs. It was a spacious two-bedroom with a fitted kitchen. It being close to the local shops and his mum's house was a plus. Matthew would be able to see them any time he wanted. There was just one problem.

"What are you doing here?" a posh voice asked.

Looking up, John Paul saw the man he had seen days earlier. He was just waiting for the delivery men to arrive with his and Matthew's beds. The flat was almost fully furnished. All he had to get was beds for them. Matthew had been excited to pick out is own big boy bed. At the moment, his son was hiding behind his pants leg.

"I live here."

"Sorry, I believe you're mistaken. This isn't a homeless shelter," the man sneered.

"Why don't you go on your own business." He really didn't have time to listen to some pompous git.

"John Paul!"

John Paul looked over to see his cousin, Cleo, heading his way. Matthew unlatched from his leg, and ran towards her. He had called her earlier to babysit while he went to see the new Head Teacher about his old job. He wasn't sure that he wanted it back, but it seemed like the thing to do. Just the thought of stepping back inside the classroom that he had been raped in, made him sick. But surprisingly, when he called the Ms. St. Claire to set up a meeting she was very willing to hear him out. He still didn't know what he would do, but would go to his meeting.

"Thanks for looking after him," he said to Cleo, ignoring the man now glaring at him. "The delivery guys are late; can you show them where to put the beds. Matthew will show you his room."

"Sure. And it's alright, I'm just glad you're back. Baby Matthew needed his dad."

"Not a baby," Matthew spoke up, giving Cleo his baby glare.

Both John Paul and Cleo laughed at the look.

"As lovely as this is…what are you doing here?"

"He lives here now," Cleo told the man. "Have you met my cousin?"

"We haven't been formally introduced," the man said, distain written on his face.

"Oh, John Paul this is James Nightingale." She turned to James. "And James, this is favorite cousin, John Paul McQueen."

"How can you say that, sweetheart? I wasn't here when you needed me."

"I know why you weren't. I don't blame you; I understand more than most."

The man looked between them before going off down the hallway. John Paul pushed the man from his mind. He had more important things to do.

He left Cleo and Matthew in his new flat while he went to meet Ms. St. Claire. On his way he came to a decision; working as a teacher wasn't something he wanted to do anymore. The closer he got to the school, the surer he became. He wasn't really sure what he would be doing but he couldn't step back inside that classroom or any other. It had taken him almost three years to be a valued member of society again, he wouldn't throw that away.

"Mr. McQueen, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," a prim, authorize woman said.

"You must be Ms. St. Claire. I know we were supposed to have a meeting but I've decided not to teach again. I'm sorry I've wasted your time."

As he turned to leave she grabbed his arm. "Please Mr. McQueen, it's not a waste. Just come into my office and we can have a chat."

* * *

James was working on a case when he heard someone knocking at his door. He hadn't been expecting anyone but sometimes Joanne would show up unexpected. Opening the door, he saw it was Cleo McQueen.

"Yes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the young woman. He could see the little boy behind her.

"Oh, thank god you're still here. I need a favor; I wouldn't be asking this if I had any other choice." She was rambling.

"Asking what?"

"Can you watch Matthew, just until John Paul gets back."

She couldn't be serious. Did he have nursey written on his door and not know it? This was the first time he had actually seen the child up close. Before he'd seen him with the other McQueen. Mat McQueen, and up until a few weeks ago he thought he was the child's father. It was only when Joanne started her obsession with Joe Roscoe that he learned more. Apparently, Matthew's father just up and disappeared one day. His family even made a missing person's report in the beginning. They cancelled it two months later, reasons unknown.

"You can't be serious," he said finally.

"Please, Celine's at work, Tina's taken Max to visit his father. Auntie Myra and Diego have a doctor's appointment. Mat is still on his honeymoon. I don't have anyone to leave him with."

"Why not Mercedes?"

"She's hungover, I can't; John Paul would kill me. Please."

He almost said no until he realized how mad it would make his new neighbor. Just something about the other man made him want to annoy him. Well, really he did know, he was attracted to the guy. It didn't hurt that he also knew the guy was gay, it wasn't like he wanted some straight guy. And messing with Ste and Harry's relationship had lost its appeal. Though he had heard about John Paul's bad luck at love; James really didn't believe in love so he didn't have to worry about it. He watched his parents tear at each other until no one wanted to be around them.

Early on his mother had become his only friend. She had always told him that they were better than most people, and not to lower himself just to make friends. His brothers and sister though were close to their father. James had given up long ago to be accepted by his father. The years of abuse he suffered at the hands of his father didn't endear the man to him. How someone could look at a child and decide they were useless was something that he would never understand.

"Fine. How long is he will he be?"

"Just an hour or so. Thank you so much, James." She then knelt down to the boy holding her pants leg. "Alright, Matthew, you're going to stay with James until your dad gets home. Is that alright?"

The little boy shook his head in the negative. That wasn't encouraging, he babysat his younger siblings quite a bit when he was younger but hadn't been around small children since Alfie was small.

Doing something that he probably would regret later, he knelt down beside Cleo, in front of the boy. "Hello, Matthew. I was just about to eat some ice cream. I guess you wouldn't be interested in anything like that."

The boy's eyes widened, Cleo rolled her eyes but he knew he had won the boy over. Nothing says a fun time to a three-year-old like sweets.

* * *

John Paul couldn't believe he accepted his old job back. He was determined on his way there that he would refuse if offered. Now he was not only teaching again, but going back to the same room. It didn't help that he got a text from Cleo saying she left Matthew with James. She said she trusted him, he would have to go on her word. He didn't know her emergency but knew it had to be serious, she wasn't a flake.

He knocked on the door she had told him was James' door. Giggling could be heard from inside, at least his son wasn't upset. Bringing his hand up he knocked again, the door opened. He was greeted with the sight of his son thrown over the James' shoulder, howling with laughter.

"I believe I have something of yours," James said, he was wearing a devilish smile.

"I believe you do, I'm sorry we've had to interrupt your day. I'll just take him and go back to mine."

James handed the squirming toddler back to his father. He hated to admit it but he really did enjoy himself. After his disastrous father/son relationship with his own father, he never really thought about having children. But being around such a genuinely happy child was contagious.

"How much do I owe you?" John Paul asked suddenly, ruining James' good mood.

"I hardly think you can afford me," he said, before shutting the door in the insolent man's face. One time he was doing something out of the goodness of his heart. He wouldn't make that mistake again.


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

An alarm blared from outside his window, waking John Paul up. Getting out of bed he stumbled to the window. Someone had bumped into a car, setting off the annoying noise. He saw the car that the alarm was coming from. Knowing exactly whose it was. James Nightingale, his smug neighbor.

"I can't sleep," a little voice said from his bedroom doorway.

Matthew was standing at the door in his pj's holding his stuffed lion. It had been a gift he sent him for his second birthday. Kaveh had come back with it from one of his trips. He thought it would be nice to send to Matthew. In truth, he had wanted John Paul to send for Matthew, but that wasn't going to happen. Something had told him to hold off on that. Now he was glad he listened to his inner voice. God, he thought he was done thinking about the man. Kaveh was dead and gone, if he wasn't John Paul would still be on the run.

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's just a car alarm." He walked over to Matthew and picked him up.

"Hurts my ears." Matthew cupped one ear with his hand and shoved the lion against the other.

"I know, mine too."

When James didn't shut his alarm off fast enough, John Paul decided to make sure he was awake. Barefoot, carrying a sleepy toddler he walked to James' door. He pounded on the door for a few moments, but no answer came. The alarm could still be heard from where he was standing, it would be surprising if didn't wake everyone in the area.

"James, can't you hear that?" he yelled as he knocked on the door harder. Still there was no answer, John Paul knew the man lived with his mother, but she had been spending time with his father. He'd heard rumors about things but they weren't any of his business.

When it had become clear no one was going to come to the door, he took Matthew back. The alarm was still going off. He sat Matthew down on his bed and turned on the radio. It wasn't loud enough to swallow the noise, but it was a good distraction.

He sang along with the songs until Matthew's eyes slowly closed and his breathing evened out.

The music must have lulled him to sleep also, because when he awoke the sun was up. Thankfully, the alarm was no longer sounding. He noticed then Matthew was no longer in the bed with him. Noises were coming from the living room.

Out in the living room, Matthew was curled up into James' side as they watched cartoons.

"How did you get in here?"

All the times he'd seen the man, he never saw him dressed as down as he was now. It was in a simple white tank top with jeans. Very different from the suits he usually wore.

"Someone didn't lock their door, it seems. I woke this morning to some little person knocking on my door, asking for ice cream."

"Matthew Jesus McQueen," he said sternly, looking at his son, who showed no mind.

Though any discipline would have to wait because that was when James spoke again. "Jesus?"

"What?" He wasn't about to have this man insult his son's name.

"Nothing," James said, holding his hands up defensively.

"Where were you last night? Your car alarm was going off most of the night."

"I was enjoying some adult company."

It bothered John Paul that James went home with some guy, not that he wanted the man. It was strange since he barely knew the man. He stopped that train of thought, he was too busy getting his life back. Anyway, he'd had enough of men in the last two years to last a lifetime, well one man.

"Shh…" Matthew told them, holding his index finger to his mouth.

"You, young man, are in trouble," John Paul said to his son.

"Why?" Matthew pouted.

"You're not supposed to leave without someone with you."

"Oh, okay."

John Paul looked at this son, that was suspiciously easy. But he wasn't going to fight it. They were still getting to know each other, he suspected Matthew didn't think of him as a father yet. He would earn that title, with time and patience.

* * *

James left while John Paul was still attempting to 'punish' his son. It wasn't working very well from what he saw. The boy seemed to think his father was a curious creature that he was trying to figure out. Earlier, he had gotten a call from another neighbor…a very irate neighbor. He left the man he was with and came home. Several people were glaring at him from their windows. He expected a ticket in the post because of it. Not that he couldn't get out of it.

So, when little Matthew knocked on his door this morning he thought it was one of his angry neighbors. The boy was still in his nightclothes and told James he was hungry. He found it odd that the little boy didn't wake his father but he had just known him for a few weeks. Of course, he's known James even less. Though, he seemed to have a connection with the wee thing. He was a sweet little boy, one that didn't look at James like he was a snake. Not that that wasn't an apt description but it did get tiring sometimes.

Ever since Neeta ended her relationship with his dad, he felt a little off. He knew it was because his father was trying to take his family away from him. His brothers and sister, he knew would pick his father. But having his mother throw herself at the man, it made his stomach turn. She was now living with his father and family. They got to be one big happy family while he was alone. Maybe that was why he was so taken with Matthew and his father. He did like to poke fun at the man, liked to get under his skin. Would like to get under his clothes too. But the man had shut down the light flirtation he tried. He liked a challenge though.

* * *

"I'm not really hungry." John Paul knew he was just wasting his breath. When his mother got something in her head she was unstoppable.

Unfortunately, for everyone involved after he arrived in town, his mother and Diego called it quits. It was rocky when he arrived, but it wasn't until recently he found out what was going on. Since all he knew about Diego was what people told him on the phone, he didn't know what to think. All he could do was be there for his mother when she needed him, which included today.

Celine, his cousin, had volunteered to watch Matthew but he declined. He wanted to spend as much time with his son before he started work back. Because he arrived after the school year started he was told he could start back next term, which worked for him.

They entered Nightingale's, as soon as he walked in he felt a cool glare on him. Looking over, he saw a blonde woman with short hair. Her icy glare hit all three of them, even Matthew. Then a look of disgust crossed her face when his mother tried to get her attention.

"We're just going to sit here," she said to the woman.

There were only two other tables occupied in the place. He liked it a lot better when it was The Hutch. It was a friendlier and happier place than now. He had found out by talking to James the week before that his mother, Marnie, owned it now. Still he didn't know why Diane and Tony sold the place but he wouldn't ask. He didn't plan to because he was worried someone would bring up Finn. While he was curious about Tony and Diane, Finn was a subject better left alone.

A short brunette took their order, all the while the blonde woman watched them. She looked like she thought they were going to steal the silverware.

"Whatever you do, don't take the silverware," he warned his mother.

She let go of the utensils in her hand, then glared at him. "Why would you even think that?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"Maybe because you had us pocketing anything we could get our hands on before we could walk."

"I never did any such thing," she snapped.

Not wanting to argue with her, he just rolled his eyes. It wasn't worth the fight. His mother and grandmother had trained them all in the art of stealing. 'It's not stealing because we need it more.' That was his mother's favorite motto when he was small.

He didn't want his son to think it was normal to know how to pickpocket before he knew how to read. His mother had her flaws but she was a good mother, if not a little overbearing. Thankfully, now she was mostly concentrating on the baby she was carrying.

Matthew hadn't perfected his use of a fork yet. The restaurant had seemed to have gotten rid of its booster for children. Because of that Matthew ate while seated on John Paul's lap. That meant most of what got on Matthew, also got on him. His mother smothered a laugh when Matthew spilled his milk over them both. While the waitress was kind and helpful, the blonde woman shot them all hateful looks.

John Paul paid the bill, making sure to tip the kind waitress more than enough.

"Look what I got," Matthew said brightly, once they were home

"What?" he asked before looking down at his son as he unlocked the door.

"This."

Matthew was holding up something and smiling. It took a second for it to register what he had.

"Matthew," he said tiredly. "We don't take silverware from restaurants."


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

"Hiya, love," his mum said as he entered the house. His bag over his shoulder and his suitcase at his feet.

It had been a long, exhausting honeymoon, and he was ready to be at home for a while. Not only that but he missed his boy. Grace had convinced him not to call, it would just make Matty miss him more. He and Matty were moving in with Grace as soon as the custody papers were filed. John Paul had abandoned Matty almost three years ago, he was done playing nice. Matty needed a family, a real one, not just to be passed around to anyone that could take care of him. His mother was going to go mad but that couldn't be helped. She knew he was going to take Matty with him, she just didn't know that he was having John Paul charged with abandonment. He didn't want his brother to be prosecuted but it was the start of having Matty with him full-time.

"Hi, mum. Where's my little fella?" He had gifts in his bag for him.

She was sitting on the sofa with her feet propped up. That wasn't that odd, she was milking this pregnancy for everything it was worth. It made him happy that she was getting her happily ever after, none of his siblings' fathers had been worth a damn. Diego was an odd choice but who was he to judge, he fell in love with Grace Black. It had been a short courtship but why wait when everything's right.

As he sat the bags down he realized his mum had gone usually quiet. Looking up, he could see she was biting her lip. She only did that when she was nervous.

"Mum?"

"Now, I don't want you to get upset."

That made him stop. "Why would I be upset? Where is Matty?"

"Well," she started to say before clearing her though. "Well, sweetheart, he's with his father."

It took a minute for him to understand what she was saying. There was no way he had heard that right. John Paul hadn't stepped foot in the village since 'the night'. He understood why his brother left, although he rather not think about it. It had been hard for him to accept it when his brother came out. But to think someone had…had…he didn't even want to think about it. But then he remembered what his mother had said.

"What do you mean? John Paul came home?"

"Yeah, he came back a day after you left. It was really quite a surprise," she said, smiling wearily at him.

Not waiting for her to say another word he ran up the stairs. "John Paul come out here!" he yelled as he opened his bedroom door. Nothing had been touched in there, except he noticed Leopold wasn't anywhere to be seen. When Matthew went to nursery he would leave his stuffed lion, Leopold, on Mat's bed.

"John Paul came and got him, they moved into a flat not far from here."

Turning around, he glared at Celine. She was dressed for work; he didn't know if she was just leaving or just getting back. It didn't matter. How could they just let that bastard take him? How? It made no sense to him, Matty didn't even know John Paul. Calls on Sunday, and gifts for Christmas didn't count.

"Where?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Going to get Matty back." Really, what were they thinking?

"John Paul is his father," Celine said slowly.

"Not much of one. He ran out in the middle of the night."

"That's not fair. We've all read the letter. He needed to heal, he knew Matthew was going to be taken care of; It wasn't like he left him on a corner. He even called Teresa."

"Let's all give him a ribbon and a pat on the back then," he sneered. It wasn't that he didn't feel bad for John Paul, but he did bring it on himself. The letter didn't say what he had been doing before the attack. All anyone knew for a fact was he left work, called Ste to cancel, then hours later called Teresa to watch Matty. He could have been anywhere, in any unseemly kind of place.

"His still Matthew's father, he has rights."

"We'll just see about that, won't we," he said before slamming the door in her face.

* * *

Drinking at night had never been his thing, at least the hard stuff. But now that his mother picked his dad over him, well…enough said. He poured the scotch down the drain, he wasn't going to become some drunk. This had already been how most of his nights ended. Just as he was about to go to bed, a thought occurred to him. What were his new neighbors doing?

Grabbing his keys, he headed for the door. Usually, he didn't lock the door but for whatever reason he felt like someone was watching him, at least some part of the time. It gave him an eerie feeling. Locking the door, he headed next door.

John Paul's door was cracked open. _Strange._ Slowly he pushed the door open.

"Hello?" he called out.

There wasn't any noise in the place. That was very odd, unless he was asleep, Matthew was usually a chatterbox.

"John Paul? Matthew?" No answer. He was starting to get worried now. His phone then pinged, letting him know he had gotten a text. Pulling out his phone he saw it was from John Paul.

_John Paul: In the bedroom._

James read and reread the message. His mind instantly went to more carnal things, but John Paul couldn't mean what he thought he did. They'd only known each other a few weeks, and John Paul seemed a little…reserved. Making his way to where he knew John Paul's bedroom was, he couldn't help but imagine it was some daring come on.

Once he got to the room his hopes were dashed though. John Paul lay on the bed, Matthew asleep on his arm. The man looked very uncomfortable while holding the phone in his free hand. James stifled a laugh.

"Okay, chuckles, help me. Every time I go to move, he whimpers. He's been sick all day, his fever finally broke an hour ago."

James carefully lifted Matthew's head, the boy whimpered and tightened his grip on John Paul's shirt. Carefully, James slid his arm under Matthew's head as John Paul loosened his grip. Finally, the boy let go and turned to James, moving completely off his father's arm.

* * *

John Paul was finally able to get Matthew down in his own bed. Once James had arrived they were able to maneuver him without waking.

James had left John Paul in the room to say goodnight. When he was done tucking Matthew in he found James on the sofa.

"Thank you, I've been dealing with a sick kid most of the day. I didn't want to upset him."

"Quite alright. Although, I do suggest you make sure your door is shut and locked next time."

"I'm sure I did shut and lock it," he said, not sounding all that sure. "But I was running around willy nilly." He shook his head. "Anyway, thanks." Sitting down beside James, he grabbed the remote and changed channels.

James shot him a look. "If you want to watch the business report, go back to yours."

"What if I don't want to go back?" James questioned.

"Then you don't get a say, I'm tired of cartoon mice singing and dancing."

James smiled, this was his moment to see if John Paul was attracted to him also. Ever so slightly, he inched closer. Usually, he was much more direct, but unlike other conquests, he actually liked the other man.

John Paul notice the arrogant man was closer to him than he was a second ago. As he turned to ask what he thought he was doing, he was met by lips on his.

Momentarily shocked, it took him a second to respond. Shocking both himself and James, he responded with exuberance. Pulling away from James only when air was needed; he quickly got to his feet.

"What's wrong?" James asked.

"Nothing, just thought we'd be more comfortable in my room." John Paul decided to ignore the look of triump in the man's smile. He just wanted to prove that Kaveh was in his past.

* * *

"Wake up!" James heard right before a lead balloon dropped on him, at least that's what it felt like. Opening his eyes, he could see Matthew crawl over his chest, settling himself in between him and a still sleeping John Paul.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked the small boy.

"Brekkie in bed." He smiled big, which even James had to admit was adorable.

"Is that so?" Matthew nodded. "And who is going to make you this brekkie in bed?"

"You."

"I don't think so."

"Yes."

"No, I am not," he said, giving his best no nonsense voice. The kid wasn't going to win.

"Yes."

"No."

"Why are you in my dad's bed?"

"Brekkie it is," he said before nearly jumping out of the bed; glad he had put his briefs on before going to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

"Mr. McQueen, can I have a word?"

John Paul saw the new head teacher heading his way, trying to flag him down. He was out with Matthew, getting him some new dress clothes. Ever since Matthew had met James; he had wanted to dress like him. It worried John Paul to have a child that wanted to dress like he was ready going into a business meeting at any time.

Ever since he and James had slept together, things had been awkward to say the least. Something was going on with James and it scared him. One minute he was kind and personable, the next he was angry and volatile. It scared him a little having him so close to Matthew, when he could turnabout like that. Although, it was easier said than done, Matthew adored James.

"Ms. St. Claire, what can I do for you?" He hoped that she wouldn't take long, Matthew was pulling on his arm, wanting to enter another shop. This one was one the more expensive shops around.

"I was just wondering if you would like to have tea with me tomorrow?"

It was such an odd request. Every time he was confronted with Mr. Blake he had been almost scared silent. Never had the man asked him around for tea.

"I don't really have a sitter," he tried, hoping she would let it drop. She always looked so eager when she saw him, it was a bit disconcerting.

"Bring him along, he's such a lovely little boy," she said, looking down at Matthew. There was something in her eyes that he couldn't decipher, it was almost like longing.

"Thanks, I think I'll take a pass." He didn't want to offend her but something was just off about her. It wasn't about her being trans, he wasn't transphobic, James had told him about the woman when he told him about his job.

That was another thing about James, he judged people constantly. It didn't matter if it was for: their clothes, their home, the company they kept, everything was open to judge. He didn't what his son to think that was okay.

"Oh, that's fine," she said sadly.

"We have to go," Matthew whined.

"Don't be rude, Matthew." The boy huffed, not seeming to like the reprimand.

"I don't like her," he said pointing a finger at Ms. St. Claire.

"Don't point. Why don't you like her?" The woman in question was staring at them with wide eyes.

"Gran says she's bad. Says she left Gran to take care of a baby all by herself. That's not nice."

"I'm really sorry, Ms. St. Claire, I don't know what's gotten into him."

"I think I do. I would like to sit down with you and explain," she said, with a pleading look. The whole thing was odd.

"Alright, tonight, I'll meet you at Nightingales. Say eight?"

"Yes, thank you." He watched as she left in a brisk pace.

"Bad lady!" Matthew shouted at the woman's retreating form. She turned but turned back and kept right on walking.

"What has gotten into you?" he asked Matthew. It was the first time that the boy had said anything mean to anyone, at least while he was around.

Instead of answering, Matthew tried to pull him into the shop they were planning on going in before.

"I don't think so, you've been very rude. We're going back home."

John Paul watched as his sweet, smart and articulative son fell apart; becoming a screaming, sobbing and kicking mess on the ground.

"What did you do?"

The voice startled him. It was not a banner day in parenting, so of course it would be the first time he saw his brother since he got back. This was going to be bad, he could see it. His brother was gearing up for a fight, but unlike Mercedes he used more calculating measures, always had.

"Uncle Mat!" Matthew screamed before standing up and running to Mat.

The one thing that was clear in that moment was how much Matthew adored Mat, and vice versa. Was he in the wrong with the whole situation? Should he have just left Matthew with who had raised him? There was no way he would be able to give him up though. It was selfish of him, he knew that.

"How's my little fella?" Mat asked Matthew as he swung him around in his arms.

"I have a big bed and my own room. Did you know?"

Mat shot John Paul a cold look before looking back at Matthew. "It must be really nice to have those things. Nothing like buying your love when he doesn't have to spend the time and earn it."

Matthew just nodded his head happily, like he understood. John Paul knew he didn't though, Matthew was just glad to have Mat back. Because of that he decided to ignore any little jabs that Mat threw at him. His brother was just hurt and lashing out.

"Well, isn't this an intriguing sight," said a familiar voice.

"James!" And just like that Matthew wiggled until Mat put him down, now running to James. John Paul tried not to laugh at the scowl on Mat's face. Apparently, Matthew was more friendly than he wanted him to be.

James picked up Matthew, the boy quickly laying his head on the man's shoulder.

"Why is the ambulance chaser holding Matthew?" Mat asked, bitingly.

"We're friends," John Paul answered.

"Really? I thought we were more than that," James said, raising his eyebrow.

"You have to be joking," Mat said, looking between the both.

Ignoring his brother, he walked over to James. "I need a favor,' he asked as he started to led James away from Mat. Matthew was quietly resting his head on James' shoulder.

"What do you need? I'm quite busy."

"I was wondering if you could watch Matthew tonight. Ms. St Claire has something she wants to discuss with me. I just don't feel comfortable taking Matthew with me."

"Of course. But I have work to do, I'll just have him over mine. You come and get him when you're done."

"Thanks. I'm not looking forward to this evening."

"Aww, poor daddy, he's not much fun is?" James asked Matthew. Matthew shook his head, not moving it from James' shoulder. John Paul could feel his brother's glare on them as they left.

* * *

Once James had fed Matthew, he did expect him to just settle down. It had been too much to hope for though. It was like he had fed him pure sugar. The kid was bouncing off the walls. It was not how he had planned the night. First, he didn't plan on having a spirited child tearing his flat up.

"Time to settle down," he said sternly.

"Story?"

"No story. Work," he said holding up some papers.

"Playtime then."

"Fine, a story it is." He was getting tired of being bossed around by a child that couldn't even read.

He didn't have any children's books in his flat. Most of his, that he had growing up his father had torn up in a fit of rage. His most treasured book his father threw in the fireplace, while James stood stock-still. He wouldn't give his father the gratification in seeing how it had hurt him. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. His grandmother had gotten it for him on his fifth birthday. At the time, he couldn't even read it but it was special because it was only his. His mother wasn't big on presents and his father hated anything that made him happy.

"Let's go get one of your books," he told Matthew.

As they walked the short distance something caught James' attention. It was then he noticed John Paul's door was open…yet again. It was like the man wanted to be robbed. James had a key for emergencies…and snooping.

He could hear someone moving around inside. Assuming it was just John Paul coming back early he walked it. Inside, a man was riffling around through some post.

"Excuse me," James said loudly.

The man turned around but didn't look to bothered by the interruption. "What?"

"Isn't that my question for you? What are you doing here? John Paul isn't home."

"I have a key." His accent was heavily northern Irish. He held up a key that he knew was the extra kept over the door.

"Who are you?"

"You're the one coming bargin' in here. Who are you?"

"The neighbor. Also, his sitter it seems."

"Charmed. Now, would you please get out."

"I beg your pardon?" He was getting aggravated at this man. He didn't like someone who seemed so comfortable going through John Paul's things. Who was he to this man? Looking at him he could see he was attractive, though he did seem to be wearing makeup and women's boots.

* * *

"Do you have anything to say?"

John Paul looked at the woman like he was seeing her for the first time. It wasn't far from the truth; he now knew exactly who she was. His father. He couldn't believe it; he didn't want to believe it. All his life he had believed Ricky Bowen was his good-for-nothing dad. Now he finds out that his father couldn't deal with his pregnant mother because of his…her own life.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything. You can say anything to me."

"I quit." With that he stood and left, he would worry about the scene later. Right now, he couldn't stand being in the room with Ms. St. Claire another moment. His mother had been barely surviving with five kids and another on the way. Did Ms. St. Claire or Ian or whoever care? No. So why should he care now?

His mobile rang as he headed home. Groaning as he looked at the display. Kris. He wondered if that meant he was already at his place. He already regretted agreeing to let Kris stay for a few days. When Kris had called him just before he walked into Nightingales, he thought he was losing his mind. He had messaged Kris with his new number when he got the new mobile, at the time he wasn't even sure Kris still had his old number. But as fate would have it, he did. How was he ever going to explain Kris Fisher to James?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry meant to post this an hour ago. Anyway. I have a question. I was thinking about having Kieron in this, you know since Mat didn't become Niall and kill him. So Kieron? Yes or No.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

Kris' alarm went off before the sun was up. John Paul was ready to kill his guest. When he returned home last night, Kris and James were bickering at each other. Matthew seemed to enjoy the fighting though, that worried him a little. Finally, he had begged James to go back to his place. Kris had laughed most of the night about it.

Stumbling into the dark hallway he ran into something. Something that yelped.

"Walking here," Kris snapped at him. "I have an appointment. Your ex is on his way today."

"My ex?" Fear shot threw him at the thought that Craig had come back. He couldn't deal with that.

"Father Kieron." John Paul could just make out Kris' smirk in the dark hallway.

He had to bite back the groan. When Kieron was in town, his mother went crazy over him. Kieron and he had somehow had a relationship for months before Craig came back. There was no real competition, John Paul had to pick Craig. Kieron had left as soon as his time was up. He had gone to another church; John Paul's mother had been broken-hearted. She talked about how close she got to the man; he didn't have the heart to tell her, after Kieron moved out the only reason he hung out at their house was because they were sleeping together.

There were only a few to this day that knew about the affair. Kris, Mercedes, Michaela and Mat. Kris had been Kieron's friend and confidant. John Paul had blurted it out to Mercedes, Michaela had snooped around until she found out. Finally, Mat and Kieron had gotten a flat together, they were the same age and got on well. Unfortunately, one night they hadn't expected Mat to come back until the next morning. He caught them in bed together. To say he was upset was a huge understatement. Kieron sported a black-eye for a while afterwards.

That didn't stop them seeing each other, it probably made John Paul keep the relationship going longer than it should. Last he heard about Kieron, he had gone through some sort of awakening and left the church. He guessed that it was because he found someone else. He hoped it was true because Kieron was someone who would do well in a relationship.

"What is Kieron doing back?"

Kris got a pensive look on his face. It was getting easier to see him because the sun was rising and the light from the living room was lightening the hallway.

"He wanted to tell Myra himself."

"Tell her what?"

"That he left the church."

Most knew Kieron left the church, though no one had the heart to tell his mom. Kieron had been surprisingly quiet about it…well he assumed so because he hadn't even said a word to Kieron since he left with Craig.

"I don't understand why he's coming out here to tell her that. Is he going to tell every member of his former parishes?"

"No…he wants to unburden his soul."

"Meaning?" Although he had a feeling he knew what that meant.

"Meaning…he's going to tell her about the affair. About the two of you."

John Paul couldn't believe what he was hearing. It had been eight years. Why bring it up now? He was a stupid teenager then, only nineteen. Also, he had still been in love with Craig. He had to put up with the judging looks from Mat and Mercy. Michaela at least actually was happy for him, at least a little bit. She mostly thought it was romantic and rebellious. After the major blowup that was his and Craig's public outing he hated having secrets. But that was part of the deal with Kieron.

"She doesn't need to know. It's over and done with…history." This would kill his mum. Or she would kill him…it was going to be a bloodbath.

"Kieron doesn't want any more secrets. He wants us to start our life fresh."

"What?"

"Yes, we're getting married."

"You have to be joking."

* * *

When James knocked on the door he didn't expect Kris to answer the door. He had hoped the man would be gone by now. There was yelling earlier that morning, he thought that meant John Paul kicked the diva out.

"Where's John Paul?"

"Shower." Kris stepped back and let him in.

Crayons were all over the floor, along with spare pieces of paper. Some had attempts of art work on them, others just had scribbles. "I see you've been busy."

The tall blonde just raised an eyebrow at him. Matthew could be seen in plain view, drawing on paper while on the floor. He was still in his night clothes, humming along with the music filling the flat. It wasn't the kind of music he liked but there was no accounting for taste. Hopefully, Matthew would grow out of the atrocious sounds coming out of the speakers.

Instead of trying to converse with Kris, he sat on the sofa. It wasn't long until Matthew noticed him and climbed on his lap, bringing his picture along.

"Look what I draw'd," he said, pushing the paper in James' face. Taking the paper that Matthew was trying to shove into his skull, he looked at the masterpiece. It took everything in him not to laugh. Matthew's little face showed how proud he was of his picture. James would not be his father; he wouldn't tear the child down.

"You did this?" his asked.

"Uh huh. I did good?"

"Very." Now all he had to do was figure out what the picture was of without letting the little boy know. It had two triangles that were colored in purple, each had what looked like a set of eyes.

"When is Kieron getting here?" John Paul asked from hallway.

He was just wearing a towel around his waist. It wouldn't be that surprising, if it was just Matthew and James. But having Kris here it made it more unnerving. John Paul was a very private person. Again, his mind tried to place Kris in John Paul's life. It made him wish he knew more about the man.

"Soon, he wanted to talk to you before he goes to see Myra," Kris replied. John Paul hadn't seemed to notice James yet.

"This is a mistake. She doesn't need to know; it was years ago."

"He thinks it does."

"He can think what he wants. He doesn't live here anymore, I do. Think about what people will say."

Kris stood up and made it two steps before the doorbell rang. A panicked look came over John Paul, it was then he noticed James. Turning he fled to his room, shutting the door roughly.

_What the hell was that about?_

Kris lead a tall, dark haired man into the flat. He had broad shoulders and was quite fit. There was something about him that put James on edge, he couldn't describe it. He looked to be in his mid-thirties. James let out a breath of relief that he hadn't known he'd been holding when Kris and the new visitor lovingly embraced.

A light smack hit his face. Looking down he saw Matthew's large blue eyes looking at him. They were so much like John Paul's he didn't even have to wonder if John Paul was Matthew biological father.

"Yes?"

"Pay attention to me." Yes, he was very much like his father.

"Right. What do you need?"

"Umm…Biscuit."

"I don't think so," he said, tickling Matthew's belly.

"It this Matthew?"

They looked up to see the new addition. He was looking at Matthew oddly. Before he really knew what he was doing he cuddled Matthew into his side. Unsure who this man was, or what his intentions were.

"Yep, that's him. Seems that Craig wasn't the forever type either," Kris snipped.

"Not in front of Matthew, please," John Paul said as he entered the room. He was wearing baggy, ill-fitting clothes. It was odd to see on him, usually when it was just the three of them he was in comfortable casual wear. But at least they fit him properly.

"John Paul," the tall, dark haired man said breathlessly.

"Kieron, you look well," John Paul said, looking uncomfortable. He stood by the sofa were James and Matthew were still sitting. "So, is there any way I can talk you out of this?"

Kieron shook his head in the negative. "I'm really sorry, John Paul but I have to come clean with her. She let me in her house…trusted me. How did I reward that trust? I had an affair with her nineteen-year-old son. I can't keep this quiet anymore."

"Why? It's over and done with, there is nothing to gain from this."

"Half of her children lied to her to keep it a secret from her. She still believes I got one black-eye from Mat because of an argument over household expenses. Also, that Mercedes hit me because she could. This needs to come out."

"No it doesn't. Please, not now." James was surprised by the panic in John Paul's voice.

"Why?" Kieron asked quietly.

John Paul crossed the room, now standing very close to Kieron. Reaching out he took Kieron's hand in his, it was an odd scene to watch.

"I know you're not a priest anymore but I could use a friendly ear."

James bit his tongue so hard that he could taste blood. He had been there for John Paul since they met weeks ago. John Paul hadn't told him any of his secrets. He hadn't leaned on his shoulder for comfort. True, he wasn't good with that stuff but he wasn't even given the chance.

"Go on," Kris said when Kieron looked at him.

John Paul led Kieron back to his bedroom, making James see red. It wasn't like John Paul was his partner or anything. They had only slept together the once. It seemed like something was holding John Paul back from anything more.

"So John Paul and Kieron used to be together?" he asked, hoping for casual. Matthew chose that moment to run to his room, saying something about a surprise.

"Back when Kieron was Father Kieron at St. Timothy's."

"So you weren't joking, he really was a priest."

"Oh yes, I got a ringside view of the vow breaking and everything. For a while I was the only that knew about them. Then Mercedes, Michaela and Mat. He feels guilty for starting something with John Paul under her roof when he was there to lead the church."

"Obviously. She let him into her home and he took advantage of her son."

Kris barked out a laugh, one that annoyed James. In fact, everything about the man annoyed him. "Taking advantage of John Paul? That's a laugh."

"What do you mean by that?" John Paul wasn't like Mercedes, he wasn't some…slut.

"You do know about John Paul, right? Slept with his straight best friend while the boy was dating a friend of John Paul's. When it all did fall apart, it was messy. John Paul sort of made a name for himself after that. At least not many people know about Danny."

"Danny?"

"Well, I wasn't here for that but John Paul told me about it when it was happening. He met this older guy…boy's got daddy issues but who doesn't." James kept his mouth shut. "Anyway, turns out the man had a wife and kids. I warned John Paul about those kinds of men. That led to having a on again off again relationship with him. It ended when John Paul started to show interest in Ste Hay."

"Ste Hay?" What did John Paul like about that drugged up loser?

"Yes, too bad he was Danny's son."

James pinched the bridge of his nose. He thought his previous love life was bad. Father and son. Something then occurred to him. John Paul and Ste hadn't been together, even if there was harmless flirting nothing had come from that. He'd learned a lot about Ste in his hunting of Harry. John Paul wasn't in his past.

"What happened?"

"Don't know. One day I stopped hearing from him. I called Myra only to find out John Paul was missing. Months later, I find out that they called off the search. The family had been real tight-lipped about whatever happened. Soon they just told everyone the same line, he needed time away to get his head straight. They never made it out like he was off working but I believe they were hiding something, I just couldn't get them to break, neither could Kieron."

"Kieron tried?"

"Yes, after John Paul disappeared Kieron contacted Myra. He was worried…everyone was."

At that moment James promised himself that he would find out why John Paul left. Why he was gone for so long, and why he seemed so different than how Kris had described him.

* * *

"Get ready, Matthew," John Paul told his son.

They were finally alone but it wouldn't last. They were due at his mother's for dinner. He had given permission to Kieron to tell. During their talk, he realized how much it was killing Kieron inside to keep this to himself. Now that he was going to marry Kris he wanted to be completely honest, which meant telling about what happened in her house. John Paul thought about talking to Kieron about his own ordeal but he was so excited about his upcoming marriage, he didn't want to be a downer. The only downside he was feeling was knowing what faced all of them tonight.

"James coming?" Matthew asked as he put his trainers on the wrong feet.

"Wrong fee, come here." Matthew was really the only bright part in his life at the moment.

"I can do it," Matthew pouted before taking them off and switching them. "I want James to come."

"James can't." He didn't know if James could or couldn't. It was going to already be an awkward night, no need to make it worse.

"Please, I need him."

"Why?" It hurt that he son favored James over him. With Mat it was expected but he had only known James the same amount of time he'd been back with him.

"He makes you smile lots. I don't like you sad."

His little boy was right, he did smile more with James around. He didn't even realize it until Matthew said it. When it was just the two of them he let his worry and anxiety overtake him, waiting to make the wrong move. He was waiting to mess up, screw up like always.

"Alright, let's go see if James can come with us."

"Yay!"

* * *

"Mum, calm down," Mercedes said, trying to get her mother to sit down.

Ever since they found out not only John Paul was coming over, so was Kieron, Kris and James. That had made her go into a frenzy. Tina, Mercedes and Nana tried to do most of the work. But she kept on trying to get involved.

"They'll be here soon. Nothing is ready."

"Sit down, we'll take care of everything," Tina said from the kitchen.

"I'm so nervous, I haven't seen Father Kieron in so long. After we shut him out when John Paul left, I thought he was through with us." Mercedes' eyes met Tina's. They weren't looking forward to what was going to happen, John Paul had given them a warning. She tried to threaten them to keep their mouths shut but Kieron was dead set on it. All they could do was ease her into finding out that her beloved priest, the one that she let into her house, had a months long affair with her youngest son. It was going to be a nightmare.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters. Again, hope you like it.**

James sat at the McQueen's table and tried to figure out how he got into this mess. Then he looked over at John Paul, who was cutting up Matthew's food. That's how he ended up there, those two annoyingly persistent McQueen's. If it were just the two of them then everything would be fine, it's how he usually liked to spend his nights. But no, they weren't the only ones there. Celine and Cleo were the lucky ones, they heard about the night's festivities and took off. But it seemed like the entire McQueen clan was gathered around for this.

Then there was Myra fawning all over Kieron, he had yet to tell her about not being a priest anymore. The rest of those there seemed to be trying to top each other with what terrible things going on in their lives. He didn't care, he just wanted Kieron to tell Myra the truth. If only so she'd stop looking at the man like the second coming.

"So, how long have you and John Paul been friends?" Myra asked James suddenly. His hand froze from where he was cutting his sausage.

Caught on the spot he took a moment to reply. "Well, we are neighbors. So, I've been…neighborly." He gave John Paul a devilish smile. It was funny to watch a twenty-seven-year old blush like a schoolboy.

"James comes over a lot," Matthew added, kicking his legs back and forth in his booster seat.

"Oh, that's nice," Marlana, John Paul's grandmother said.

"James sleeps in his pants in my dad's bed," Matthew said before taking a big bite of food.

James watched as all eyes landed on him. Instead of feeling embarrassed, he felt better. At least now they knew who he was to John Paul. True, they hadn't put a label on it but they were still together. He just smirked at all the shocked faces, and Mat's death glare. John Paul's face was now beet red.

"Myra, I was wondering if we could talk?" Kieron spoke up as they were finishing up. Conversation had gotten back to less awkward things until Kieron spoke up.

"James, would you take Matthew upstairs?" John Paul asked, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Not on your life." There was no way he was going to miss this. Not when Myra's precious Father Kieron falls from his golden thrown."

"I'll take him," Tina volunteered. "C'mon Matthew. Max."

Tina lead her nine-year-old son and almost four-year-old nephew upstairs. With the children, out of the potential warzone, the atmosphere in the room was awkward at best. Now it was just the adults left in the room. Mercedes, Mat and Kris all seemed to wander off a little from the table. Mat and Mercedes started cleaning the dishes, while Kris just stared at Kieron from the counter he was leaning on. That only left James, John Paul, Kieron, Myra and John Paul's grandmother at the table.

"Myra, I haven't been completely honest the last few times we talked on the phone." He sighed and interlinked his hands on the table. "I'm no longer a priest."

Myra's face went slack, her eyes widening. "You left the church?" she whispered. Her hand instantly going to her stomach, rubbing it like the baby had just kicked her.

"Yes, I'm very sorry, Myra. I didn't mean to be deceitful to you. It was so hard in the beginning, I didn't want to hurt you too. There was so much going on with the order and my family."

"How long?" A tear ran down her cheek, running the makeup that she had put on for the special occasion.

"Five years now," he said mournfully. His face looked like he was expecting the blowup. He wasn't disappointed.

"Five years? You left the church five years ago, and I'm just finding out about this now?" Angry tears where now rolling freely down her face. Mat came up behind her, rubbing her shoulders.

"Yes, what I have to tell you now started my conflict of faith. Please, just listen to me before you get upset."

"Young man, I don't think you should be upsetting her in her condition," Marlana, John Paul's grandmother said.

"Maybe she's right, this isn't the time," John Paul added. It looked like he was going to grab Kieron's hand before he thought better of it.

"No, I want to know what he's talking about. What started your conflict of faith?" Her face was pleading for understanding now.

"When I was here, I fell in love. I started a relationship with this person even though I have made a vow." Mercedes joined the rest of them, standing beside Mat.

Myra and Marlana gasped. "What? Who? Who would you start an affair with? Why would they start a relationship with a priest?" Myra asked. Her face showed how horrified she was at the idea. Usually, he would love to be seeing other people's misfortune. But now it just seemed wrong…he blamed John Paul for it.

"That's why I needed to tell you in person. This has been eating at me for eight years. You brought me into your home and I betrayed the trust you gave me."

Myra eyes narrowed. Maybe she wasn't as dim as James thought. It looked like she understood what he was getting at.

"It was one of mine, wasn't it?" she asked harshly.

"Yes," Kieron said, hanging his head in shame.

"Not Michaela, she was only a child."

Kieron's head shot up. "No, it wasn't Michaela. I would never do that. It was an adult relationship with another adult." Mat barked out a laugh, which earned a shove from Mercedes.

Myra glared at Mercedes. "I can't believe you Mercy. Seducing a priest."

"Oi, it wasn't me. Why don't you ask your precious little boy?" she said, pointing her manicured nail at John Paul.

"John Paul?" Marlana asked. Myra looked horrified, looking between John Paul and Kieron.

"I'm sorry Myra, I really am. We didn't intentionally start anything, it just happened. We tried to fight it but it was too strong."

Myra wasn't saying anything, just looking at her youngest son. John Paul looked like he was trying to decide between fleeing and throwing up.

"You had sex with my nineteen-year-old son under my own roof? The roof I let you live under."

"Yes, I'm so sorry Myra." He reached for her hand, she yanked it out of reach.

"Get out!" she bellowed.

"Mum, please," Mat said, trying to calm her down. "It's not healthy to get so upset."

"I want them out of my house," she demanded.

"I think you need to leave, mate. You've said what you needed to, now go," Mat said snapped.

"I'm sorry," Kieron said again before he and Kris were basically shoved out the door by Mercedes.

"I want you out too," Myra said, rounding on her youngest son.

"Mum, please," John Paul begged, getting down on his knees in front of his mother.

"No! I want you out. You are no son of mine." She turned her face and pointedly ignored his presence.

James could see John Paul was falling apart, he hadn't got off his knees. He needed to get Matthew and get them the hell out of there.

"Matthew, we're leaving!" he yelled. He couldn't remember ever yelling before but things were getting very loud and aggressive in the house. He just wanted John Paul and Matthew out…now.

"Leave Matthew here," Mat said to John Paul.

"No, I need my son. James, get him," John Paul begged as he shakily got to his feet.

That was all he needed to hear. He went upstairs even though he had no idea where he was going. As he got to the top of the staircase he heard Matthew giggling. Following the sound, he found him, Tina and Max playing in one room.

Instead of talking to Tina he just picked up Matthew and started walking out of the room.

"Where we going?"

"Home."

"But I wasn't done making my castle yet," Matthew whined.

"You can make one at home. Your father's not feeling well."

James practically pulled John Paul out of the house while he was still begging his mother to acknowledge him. The walk home was quiet, the only talking was Matthew asking why his dad was upset and gran was crying.

Once James let them all into John Paul's flat, the man fled to his bedroom. James ended up bathing Matthew, getting him in his night clothes then into bed, all before John Paul showed his face again. In fact, Matthew, had already been asleep for an hour by the time he came out of his room. He looked like death warmed over.

"How are you?" This caring thing was going to be his end; he just knew it.

"I didn't think she'd react that way. I knew she'd be upset but she said I wasn't her son. I was a stupid kid, I thought I was in love." He curled up on the sofa.

"But you weren't?" James asked as he sat down beside him.

"I was still in love with Craig."

The famous Craig Dean. As soon as he set his sights on John Paul, he learned as much as he could. That meant the finding out all about the supposed love of his life. His best friend turned lover turned partner. Then it seemed Craig wasn't ready to be a father, meaning John Paul and Matthew were here now. Of course, he didn't know much about the beginning. But he did know that John Paul hadn't raised Matthew, that was left to his family. The question was…why did he leave his son? Was it something to do with Craig? He clearly loved him and wanted to take care of Matthew. It didn't make any sense, and James hadn't when things didn't make sense.

"Are you still in love with Craig?"

* * *

John Paul couldn't believe what James just asked. Was he serious? Still in love with Craig? "No. Any feelings I had for the man ended when he chose to end us. I get it was my fault as much as his, but he's never even seen Matthew." Now that he thought about it, he didn't know that was true. For all he knew Craig took Matthew every summer holiday.

"What about feelings for anyone else?" James asked cheekily. John Paul knew what he was doing, it was James' way of saying he was to his limit of being sweet.

Instead of worrying about his mother, family or anything else he let James lead him to the bedroom.

* * *

James groaned again when a knobby knee found his groin. He saw stars. Once Matthew was in between them James found his voice again.

"So is this going to become a regular thing?"

"Yep," Matthew said with a grin. Settling into his 'spot'.

"No, we're all getting up," John Paul's sleep-ridden voice said. The cover was just barely over his face; Matthew must had woken him up too.

"Why?" Matthew whined.

"I need to go visit an old friend."

"Who?" both James and Matthew asked.

"I can't really talk about it right now; I'll tell you later. Will you watch him for me, James?"

John Paul knew the exact moment he had pushed when he shouldn't have. He watched as James shut down.

"I'm not a babysitter, John Paul. If you don't trust me with your schedule, you shouldn't with your child," he said before jumping out of bed.

John Paul was surprised that James just collected his clothes and left, because still just in his pants. John Paul heard the front door slam. He had upset James, he just hoped the man that ran hot and cold would let him explain later.

Was he just a convenient babysitter for him? As much as James liked Matthew, he wasn't the reason he was always there. Now he wasn't sure why. Maybe they both had too much baggage.

"Excuse me," a heavily accented voice said, stopping him.

Looking up he saw a tall, dark and broad shouldered man. He looked like he could break someone with just his pinky finger. There was also something very menacing about him.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, I saw you coming from my brother-in-law's flat. I was wondering why you were there. So, why were you?"

"I don't see how that's any of your business." He wished he had dressed before heading back to his place, he had just been so mad.

The man looked him up and down. "My brother-in-law just lost his husband, you shouldn't be starting something with him so soon. He's still grieving."

John Paul was married? Or widowed? He had never said anything like that. In fact, all the times he talked about when he was gone, he never mentioned another man. Was that why he left? Did he leave his family and child to run away with some man? Ignoring the man, he rushed back to his place. The sound of the man knocking on John Paul's door followed him. He did his best to ignore it. Clearly, this wasn't his business.

* * *

When John Paul opened the door, he wanted to curse. "Javed? What are you doing here?"

"What? Expecting Parisa?"

This couldn't be happening, not now. He had thought he was done with all the Yousefi family except Parisa. She was supposed to meet him near the university. Javed and Parisa were Kaveh's younger siblings. Kaveh was so much older than his siblings, that most thought he was their father. He also treated them like he was their father, which was odd since Javed was older than him and Parisa was the same age.

He had met Kaveh only six months after he left. Kaveh was nice, sweet and older. After the affair with Danny, he realized he may have some father issues. They were so much worse now knowing who his real father was, but that was beside the point. He needed money, so he started working for Kaveh. At first, it was all very innocent. He traveled with him and acted as his assistant. Soon, he started to fall for the older man. That was the beginning of the end. Kaveh was worried his family would try and take his fortune from him and put him out of sight. Kaveh was sick already when John Paul met him, or so he was lead to believe.

Kaveh proposed when they were in Beijing. Kaveh was a French citizen, so they got a beautiful estate in southern France. It was as close to a castle that he had ever slept in. Right away, Kaveh said that they should get Matthew. John Paul couldn't say what held him back but he was glad he did. Javed and Parisa were surprisingly accepting of their relationship, but Kaveh had raised them. He had always been honest with them in that respect.

It was then he found out what his husband's job really was. All the meetings he had set up and stayed at the hotel while Kaveh had gone. His husband was arms dealer, not only that he ran a whole notorious business. When he told John Paul he was sick, that was a lie. He had just thought he was going to leave him. That was when he shoved everything he owned in a bag once again and went on the run…again.

Just four months before returning home, he got news that Kaveh had died. That was a good thing too, because he cleaned out the safe when he left. If Kaveh found him, he would have been dead. He knew if his husband got his hands on him he would be killed. After everything was said and done, he wanted nothing to do with Kaveh's holdings. Even though it scared him, he went back and faced Kaveh's family. All the holdings were in France, where John Paul had legal control of them. He signed it all over to Javed because he didn't want to be running the rest of his life. The only thing he kept was the estate where they lived. He had given it to Parisa, so she could get away from the violence she hated.

That's why she was supposed to be meeting him, she had been getting the paperwork in order. But if she wasn't here and Javed was, something terrible had happened. Because wherever Javed went troubled followed. He hoped that his brother-in-law would keep his promise of peace.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own Hollyoaks or the characters.**

**Sorry it's been so long for an update. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"May I come in?" Javed asked harshly.

Not wanting to look rude in front the man, he opened the door wider. He wasn't dressed for company, just pajama bottoms and a tee shirt that he slid on to answer the door. He had sent Matthew into his room to change.

"What are you doing here?" John Paul asked when he got his voice back.

"Parisa is gone."

Dread filled him, he had just talked to her the day before. She was meeting him to sign some papers.

"What do you mean by gone?"

"She did what you did. She emptied the safe and left. This is you all over again. Now my question is…did you set this up?"

"No! I would never, not after everything with Kaveh."

"I do not care about your relationship with my brother. I knew from the beginning that you were just using him. He would not listen. You are lucky I made a vow to him never to harm you. I would have enjoyed slitting your throat." He gave John Paul an evil smile.

"Because he wanted to be the one to kill me."

"No, my brother was so in love with you. Then you broke his heart and ran off."

"He was a murderer and criminal."

The man just shrugged like it wasn't that big of a deal.

"What are you doing here?"

"When she comes to you, and she will. I need you to keep her here with you. A man has become very obsessed with her, he's too powerful though, and I can't touch him. He won't suspect she's here with you. I'll have to pretend that I'm looking for her but I'll just make sure he is looking in the wrong direction."

"I will, but why do you trust me?"

"I don't, because I know what a lying sneak-thief you are, but she trusts you. So, you better not do wrong by her, or your son will be an orphan."

"I did love Kaveh." Or at least he thought he had…in the beginning.

"Not enough to have your child anywhere near him."

"And look, I was right. He was murdered while he slept in his own bed by his own bodyguard. He did not live a safe life. It was not the life I wanted my son to grow up in."

"You stole from him, broke his heart and then ran like a thief in the night. I don't think you should look down on anyone."

"I needed the money."

"Why?"

"Because I knew I needed to hide, and I needed money to do that."

"Why not just not come back here when it happened?"

"Because he said if I ever left him he would kill me. I trusted him to follow through." Stealing the money might have sealed his fate but he was sure, if he came back here when Kaveh was alive, he would be dead.

Javed didn't have much to say to that, so he left soon after. John Paul got Matthew ready to leave. He wanted to check on James before he left but decided to let the man cool off. When he got to predestined meeting place he was to meet Parisa, he wasn't surprised she wasn't there. He knew she would contact him if she needed.

After dropping Matthew off at nursery, he went to his mother's. He hoped now that she had the night to sleep on it she would forgive him.

"What are you doing here?" Mercedes asked when she answered the door.

"Came to see Mum."

"She doesn't want to see you. I think it's best if you give her time."

"Please," he begged.

"Time, John Paul, she needs time."

With that, his sister slammed the door in his face. Well, that could have gone better. He didn't really want to leave with his mother still so angry at him, but it seemed like he had no choice. At least it looked like Mat had moved in with Grace.

* * *

James couldn't stand looking at the same four walls anymore. He had gotten over his anger from before. It wasn't uncommon of him to act before he thought. It was a side effect from being raised by his father. The man let his fists do the talking for him, James swore he wouldn't be the same way. That's why he always cut and run at the first hint of a relationship. But then he had met Carter, the man was everything he thought he had wanted. Distinguished, handsome and ambitious. Unfortunately, Carter was too much like himself, always looking out for number one. When James had really needed him, he had thrown their relationship away. Thrown him away.

Once he was near his flat he decided to talk to John Paul again.

"James!" John Paul said in a shocked voice as he answered the door.

"May I come in?"

"I was just about to get Matthew from nursery but I really want speak with you."

"I can wait." He really didn't want to, but Matthew couldn't wait.

"Do you want to come with or wait here?"

"As much as I missed the little tyrant, I'll stay here."

John Paul laughed. "He's not that bad."

He waited outside while John Paul went to get his son. James didn't really know what he was feeling, but he knew he didn't want to without the man. He hadn't felt like this in a very long time. In fact, his father made him believe that no one would ever want him. He was too much of a pathetic loser. Even as a small child his father would scream that at him. It was only starting to occur to him that it was never him. It was all his father. His father had decided early on that James was a mistake, therefore he wasn't allowed to be involved in his happy little family. For the first time, James was thinking maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe he could make his own family.

"James!"

He looked up just in time to see the little boy run at him. James knelt and hugged Matthew when he got to him. After a moment, he realized the boy was crying.

"Hey, now…what's all this about?" he asked, running his thumb over the boy's wet cheek.

"I thought you hated me," Matthew cried.

"Never." He looked up and saw the pain in John Paul's eyes. Obviously, he didn't know his son was feeling this way.

"Let's go," John Paul said, his eyes looking suspiciously wet.

After Matthew, had settled in his room playing, James finally had a moment to talk to John Paul.

"So…you were married?"

"How did you know?"

"I ran into your brother-in-law yesterday."

"Javed. Did he say anything to you?"

"Just that your husband recently died, and that you need time."

John Paul scoffed. "Like he cares. Next time you see him, just go the other way. Javed is bad news, just like his brother."

"What happened? How did he die? If you don't mind me asking."

"His throat was cut while he slept by his most trusted bodyguard."

* * *

When Parisa had told him, he felt sick to his stomach. He always gotten on well with Omid. They had talked at length about Robert Southey. The poet laureate was Omid's favorite. They would go back and forth about the romanticism era.

James visibly shuttered. "Bodyguard? What did he need a bodyguard for?"

"He wasn't a good person. I'm not sure what all he was into, I just know after I found out a little of it…I ran. So, that should tell you what you some of what you need to know."

"Why did you marry him?"

John Paul sighed. "Well, I could lie and say that I did it because he told me he was sick. But that's not the complete truth. The truth is…he made me feel good about myself. I hadn't felt that in a long time. Before him, I didn't want to be touched by another living soul. He helped me more than words can say. When he saw that I was sinking into depression, he went against his own ideas of masculinity and being strong. He found me a therapist, if it wasn't for him. Well, I don't know where'd I be."

"Is he why you left in the first place?"

"No, I met him later on. I left for my own reasons; reasons I don't really want to talk about. I'm better but it still hurts to talk about. I'm not saying I'll never tell you, just not now."

"I guess I'll have to accept that."

"So, do you forgive me?"

"If I must," James said with a smirk.

John Paul leaned in and kissed James. The movement made it easier for him to push James back on the couch. After Javed showed up he thought his chance with James were gone. But it seemed like the man was giving him another chance; one that he wouldn't squander.

"I'm hungry," a little voice said, interrupting their kiss.

"To be continued?" he asked James.

"If I must," he said again with a smirk.

* * *

The next day John Paul was on a mission. He was going to get his mother to listen to him. There was no way that he could not try and fix his relationship with her. Being raised by a single mother, all he had in his life to depend on was her. She was the one to teach him how to ride a bike, write his name, grift.

She was alone when he found her lounging in her chair. She had some talk show on but was sleeping. He didn't knock, he just slipped in through the door.

"Mum," he said gently.

She shook awake, blinking up at him. At first, she smiled at him until she remembered that she was angry with him.

"You've got a lot of nerve, boy."

That was when he knew she would forgive him. She was upset but hadn't stopped loving him. She was looking at him disapprovingly but not the betrayed look she had given him days earlier.

"I'm sorry, mum."

She sighed and stood up, which was no easy feat at her stage of pregnancy. "I know you are. I was young once too. When I met your dad…I mean Ricky. I fell head over heels. I understand. I guess just with this with Ian…I mean Sally trying to make up for lost time, it was too much."

"But you're my mother. You're the one that that cared for me, even when you were too tired to take care of yourself. You were an amazing mother, you still are. I'm having to learn everything I forgot about taking care of a child. You had all of us, we all knew you loved us…though some more than others," he said, trying not to sound bitter.

"I know all you think I favored Mat but it's a miracle he's with us at all." She had tears filling her eyes.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Sorry, It's these dam pregnancy hormones." He didn't believe that for a minute. But they may have made her forgive him sooner. She pulled him into her arms and he relaxed in her embrace. After years of being away, not seeing his mother or feeling her over-empowering love, he yearned for it now.

"So, you and James?" she asked as she let him go.

"I like him. He's different from anyone I've ever been with before."

"He's a pompous ninny," she said disbelievingly.

"He's really nice once you get past his sarcasm and wanting to strangle him. Matthew adores him."

"Does he know about that rape?"

It was the first time any of his family had mentioned it since he came home. After the first dozen times of them asking. Demanding a name, they eventually stopped talking about it. For that he was grateful.

"No, but I'll tell him. I just need time."

"Don't wait too long. A relationship can never survive with secrets. Trust me, I know."

He knew she was talking about her and Diego, the Lothario.

"I know, thanks mum."

James was picking up Matthew from nursery. That want he had time to talk to Sally.

Matthew's nursery school gave him hives. All the children running around, wiping their noses on their sleeves. Filthy knees and hands. His mother would have had an aneurysm.

"I'm here for Matthew McQueen," he told the short round woman in the front office.

"And you would be?" she asked lifting a thick black eyebrow. Who did she think she was fooling with the dyed blonde hair?

"James Nightingale, his father put me on some list. He called ahead."

She typed Matthew's name into the computer. "Who are you to the child?"

"Is that any of your business? Your job is to make sure I'm on the list and am who I say I am. A fact that you haven't checked yet, I might add."

Her face turned red, anger evident. "Identification?"

He pulled out his wallet producing his license. She made a rude noise but gave him a visitor's pass. He headed for the room she directed him to go. Inside the room there were more dirty, sticky children than he saw outside in the playground.

"James!" Matthew squealed before running at him.

"Hello, Matthew, did you have a scintillating day today?"

Matthew blinked up at him. "We're going to do a play," he said excitedly.

"That's wonderful. What is the name of the play?"

"It's called the Wonder Woods," Matthew said a huge smile on his little cherub face.

"That's sounds…" Dreadful. "wonderful."

"Yes, tomorrow all the children will try out for the role they want. We already discussed some might not get the part they want though," a older woman said eyeing Matthew. She looked like she was going for the grandmotherly look but just looked mean.

Something about that look irked James. "What part are you trying out for Matthew?"

The boy's eyes brightened even more. "I want to be Darcy the fairy."

"I told you Matthew, Darcy is a girl character. Fairies are girls."

James was looking at Matthew as the harpy talked. He watched the look of joy and hope turn to sadness in the little boy's face. James was going to speak up but Matthew beat him too it.

"I told you, boys can be fairies too. My uncle Matt calls my daddy a fairy. Are you calling my Uncle Mat a liar?" the boy asked sadly.

The woman's face turned scarlet. James cleared his throat. Talking as though Matthew didn't just out his uncle as a secret homophobe, he said, "I'll make sure I'm here tomorrow for tryouts. I would hate for Matthew not to be given fair shot because of his gender."

"Who are you?" the woman snapped.

"James Nightingale."

"He sleeps in my daddy's bed with him. Then he makes us breakfast."

"No wonder he wants to be a fairy, living in that kind of envirioment."

"Have you ever heard of A Midsummer Night's Dream? Give it a try and then say fairies are only girls. For that matter, if there aren't any male fairies how are there any fairies? Where do baby fairies come from?" He hadn't realized he was yelling until Matthew tugged on his hand.

"Fairies are make believe, they can't have babies," he stage-whispered.

"I know that," he said. Matthew didn't look convinced. "Get your things." Matthew ran off to collect his things.

"If he isn't the best Darcy the fairy, then that's one thing. But to take something away because he's a boy is sexism."

"No, it's not."

"Really, it is. You should read the definition," he said before taking Matthew and leaving.

As they walked back home, Matthew prattled on about the play. He made a note to okay it with John Paul to take him to nursery the next day. He didn't want those people to take something away from Matthew because of his gender. If he wanted to be a fairy, he was going to be the best damned fairy there was.

He had been the kid who was told he couldn't do something because it was too girlie. When he was six he saw a dollhouse in the store. He begged his mom to get it for him. She gave in and bought it for him. He had been so excited until his dad came home. His dad told his mother to take it back. She stuck to her promise though, and he got to keep it. The next day he came home from school and it was gone. When he asked his dad where it was, he was gifted with a sprained wrist. He told his mother it was from falling.

Now he was a little obsessive with his things. He didn't like people touching his things. It made him feel that at any moment those things would disappear. He's even snapped at John Paul and Matthew both for touching his things. John Paul didn't seem to mind when he was snapped at. But he had put him in his place about Matthew. It made James happy that Matthew had a father that looked out for him like that.

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanted to add, I know the stealing the money was OOC for John Paul. But it will be explained more later, hopefully not so OOC then. He's also a McQueen so you also have to give him a ten percent chance of that just from his name. Leaving instead of how the canon went changed him some too, thanks.


End file.
